Read about the pageant!

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P.S. A special thanks to my dear friend Keith R. A. DeCandido for holding my hand backstage during the contest. He helped keep me on my feet and out of trouble. Big hugs and kisses to Keith.

I keep falling in love with men that keep falling out of love with me, or worse they fall in love with someone else. Which sucks big time!

It’s really hard on one’s self-esteem. Makes me feel like I’m not good enough, or just not enough. I keep asking myself what I did wrong. I keep asking myself what I’ve done so horrible that I don’t deserve to be loved.

When my husband left me for another woman, I tried desperately to win him back. I cried, I begged, I fought like hell to keep him. He didn’t want me.

I never really got over it. I blamed myself. I thought if I had been a better person, a better wife, a better lover, a better housekeeper, a better anything that he wouldn’t have stopped loving me, he wouldn’t have started loving someone else.

Then I fell in love with a man that probably never loved me in spite of the fact that we’ve had two kids together. I was a much better wife to him. If I had been half as good to my previous husband he might not have left me for another woman. 

The truth is, Love is fickle. There is no such thing as happily ever after. There is no love til death do us part. Divorce is too easy. Quitting is too easy. Giving up is too easy. Turning to someone else when things get tough is too easy.

You think I’m pessimistic? Well, my pessimism is justified. But it’s not pessimism. It’s truth. Ask anyone that has managed to stay married for fifty or sixty years. They will tell you that at least half the time they were unhappily married and the other half of the time they certainly didn’t always love their spouse.

So how do they make it for fifty plus years? Simple. They made a commitment and they kept it. They kept it when things went bad. They kept it when they weren’t happy. They kept it when they weren’t crazy in love with their spouse.

Didn’t I just say that kind of commitment didn’t exist anymore? It doesn’t. Fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. Eighty percent of married people cheat on their spouses.

Commitment is becoming obsolete. Love is fickle. It’s hopeless.

Yet we keep hoping.  We keep searching.  Maybe someday I’ll even get lucky.

I have known happiness. I have loved, and I have been loved. I have had amazing friends whom have given me great joy and happiness.

All we can ever really hope for in life, are brief periods of happiness, from time to time, and if we are blessed, shorter periods of unhappiness.